I cant take it

I need some place to let out my feelings.
I just could not take it anymore.
I am tired of living.

Imagine people giving you names.
I know, I am not pretty like any other girls, I am not flawless. I am fat. I know it was meant to be a joke. I am just like a crying baby and such a bitch full with negativity. But you do not understand how I am suffering all this while acting that I am okay with the joke and all the names that was given. I am just wondering why would I still living in this world. Like I am tired. I want to give up. I could not take it anymore. Cutting and slashing my hand again won't solve anything.

I still remember during secondary one. You do not know how I feel. Two out of five madrasah hate me. They even call me Buntal, Bitch, Playgirl, Fat, Lembu, Busted and etc. How do you face the world if you were me? I thought I had died back then by slashing. But unluckily, I am still alive. I wont forget all those incidents. Being called buntal, fat and lembu just because I am fat. Isn't that cool enough to call people's name just because you bitches are just pretty, flawless than me? Just because of one guy go wants to be with me and they called me Playgirl. Like cmon, they sided another girl than me. I was your bestfriend remember? And you decided to choose being with that girl and left me facing with all this difficulties.

"Takut dengan benda kecik padahal badan besar." That really ouch me. Just because I am freaking fat, does that mean I cant even scared of anything? Fuck. Who told you that? No one really understand me. Am I really a joke to everyone?

Secondly, bestfriends and boyfriends. HHAHAH FUCK. do they even exist?
Bestfriends whom I thought I could depend on, hoping them will be by my side, but then .. They just gone when you need them. They freaking said that we are here and all kind of bullshits. But then, they have new friends forget about their old friends. HAHAA stupid is it me. No i am not. Go ahead with your new friends and life.
HAHAHA boyfriend. So much of trying to be there for me. I know you are working. but cmon, one fucking single whatsapp and you cant even reply but you fucking last seen me. What do you think i am? Bahan mendak kau pe, ke bank kau bila kau nak duit?
ASAL SEMUA PAKAI AKU BILA PERLUKAN JE. AKU BAHAN PE SIA.

Stress. Really i cant take it anymore. Why cant i just kill myself. If only killing our ownself is not a sin in my religion. Woke up everyday and hold on to my own life, acting, faking a smile when people make a joke about you, is like a daily routing. I CANT EVEN FIND ONE SINGLE FRIEND WHO REALLY SINCERE IN MAKING FRIEND. I just need someone who would be there for me. Is is that hard to be with me. I guess i should leave everything. Kitakita, MYAfamily, Committee and everything. They dont even fucking care if i leave, HAHAH siapa aku.

Boo! 🙈🙊

Its been so long since i last publish my blog mayn! Boo!! Im back! 

Busy with UT2 and Assignment.... And yeah this sem i have awesome classmates 😌✌️

I guess its time to start writing back at my blog. 

..

I lost a friend, again. Great friend. Thats just what i can say. Why being me, and my life is sucks. 

Feelings

Somehow .. People used you. Because you are being too good to them. That doesnt matter. What matter is, they step on me, hurt me, crumpled me ..... 

I dont matter ..... I just want an outer and inner peace. No one disturb me.

Confessions

I lost a friend. Thats all i can say ..

Iftar

Heyy on this particular day, on Friday of 2 Aug, i break fast with love and also his adik adik at mcdonald located at jem. Before that, i accompany him to uniqlo to buy tshirt with his adik aniq and lupe ah xD he wear size S .. so slim lah u unlike me :'/ after he bought his shirt, his adik tkde. Thn he ask me, mana anak anak u ><' and i was like awkward. Hehehe merepek kan .. then he ask me abt the niqab thingy... hais T.T after that we go eat family bundle at mcdonald. I feel like ald married to him sia xD we like one family .. sweet kn. Tapi kalau tkd jodoh apa nak buat :') hahais.. yg pntng nya .. it was really a great day spending time with love and syababs ♥

Kita-Kita

After six months of never meet up with them as a complete group, finally we met to break our fast together . I miss every and each of them :') oh Allah bless them, and protect them. I love them. They are my best friends in dunya and akhirah. They are so much important to me. Please dont let them suffer. they are beautiful. Guys who ditch them are like jerks. Well i believe they are pretty. Wishing to meet them asap .. which is hari raya .. oh Allah let me meet them pls. My world ♥